Infertile?

I have wanted to write this post for the last 3 months. BUT on the other hand I have been dreading writing this post too. I know I fell off the blog earth pretty quickly after starting this blog and gaining followers. I am sorry about that. I've been wrestling with a lot of emotions since May and quite frankly I am still facing them.

You see, this is suppose to be an infertility blog. A place that you can find comfort in knowing that you are in fact not alone and that another person is hurting right all with you. I have always wanted to be considerate of ALL the women who may read this. I have read dozens of infertility blogs. Every time someone announces their pregnancy I truly am happy for them, but at the same time I feel miserable for myself.

So what happens when the infertile are suddenly fertile? Does that mean that you are no longer labeled infertile? No and yes. Does lightening strike twice? Who the hell knows.

Just when we signed up for the IVF, literally the same day that we paid the initial payment, we found out that our 4th IUI worked. At 16pdo. On 14dpo the HPT was negative. I stopped the Crinone and braced myself for my period. 2 days later when it didn't start like the previous 3 cycles, I thought that my body was messing with me because I was actually looking forward to my period. The start of my period meant the start of our IVF journey and that excited me.

I am 17 weeks pregnant now. I still don't believe it and am constantly worrying if I am going to jinx it. We didn't tell my 5 year old until I was 13 weeks and then a few days later we told our families. Next week is our anatomy scan. I have been hanging on to my last vial of unopened Gonal F because I am afraid that donating it will be tempting fate. However, tomorrow I am taking it to my RE's office for donation since I know the next IVF round will be starting soon and I hope that it can help another couple.

I truly do not know if I will continue with this blog or not. I feel very deeply about reaching out to other infertile women. In my area the closest RESOLVE meeting is 3 hours away! Something must be done about that and I have been giving it a lot of thought.